I have a feeling this blog is going to become an online diary. If you lose interest, I fully understand, but I also feel there is value in typing out what I’m going through in the hope that if I can help even one other person…I’ve served my purpose.
For those of you who don’t know, I have lived in constant pain in my head and neck since Oct. 1, 1995 due to a whiplash type injury. Over 100 MDs, healers, shamans, chiropractors, acupuncturists, craniosacral therapists, prolotherapy practitioners, past-life regressionists (I’ve died by my neck at least 5 times), etc. have not been able to help me and can’t figure out my MRIs. The headache and neck pain has been REALLY bad again lately, so besides buying the yoga headstand bench I got yesterday (which I think IS helping a little), I decided to put two large quartz crystals next to my pillow last night to see if they would help. Due to lots of worry about getting a day job lately, my insomnia has been bad, so I was awake most of the night. I jumped up in the middle of the night when I heard a car alarm going off that sounded like it was coming from where my car is parked. I looked out the window and didn’t see any sign of any car’s lights flashing, etc. and headed back to bed….whereupon I noticed the time was exactly 4:44 a.m. Of course it was 4:44 a.m.! (See other posts about 444.) For the rest of the night I dozed and then woke and then dozed and then woke. I think I was often in that very receptive state between being fully awake and asleep. I heard 2 pretty loud noises that sounded like they were within my apartment, a BANG and then something else I can’t really remember now. Because of what happened next, I feel I was probably out of body and the noises were related to astral stuff or re-entering my body, etc. At one point I woke up with my heart racing really bad, which makes sense.
Anyway, I ended up having a “dream” in the wee hours of the morning where I was back in Albuquerque spying on my ex house to see if the current owner was taking care of it. I’ll skip those details because the important part was that all of a sudden, my childhood friend who passed away a year ago this month suddenly walked up to me. She looked healthy and beautiful. I was lucid because I knew, “XXX crossed over” as I talked to her. When she was on the Earth plane, she was a very hard worker and very devoted to her important job. In this dream that wasn’t a dream, she told me that she was concerned about some stuff that’s going on with her old job and asked me if I would help her. (That is SO her to still be worried about her old job.) She said that she’d conference call me with some other person “Sunday morning at 8 a.m.” Keep in mind that today is Saturday, so she meant tomorrow morning. The lucid dream/astral event was in color and very vivid. Everything was distinct. There was no iffy-ness. I had totally forgotten until someone mentioned it today that late yesterday was a special full moon and eclipse! Talking to a fellow medium today, she did feel the crystals may have empowered an already powerful time. Because I know that our loved ones on the Other Side do sometimes use electronics like phones to get through to us (they can feed off the electricity) I think it’s really possible that my cell phone is going to ring at 8 a.m. tomorrow! Needless to say, I’m going to be staring at it starting around 7:55 a.m. I was advised to go into meditation, though, as XXX may not have meant call in a literal phone call way, but possibly just that she’ll “call” me mentally. Even if I don’t get a call, it was so wonderful to see her looking so healthy and happy in spirit. That gives me peace in knowing she’s well over there.
I met with a fellow medium today at her house after her guides told her that I needed help. That’s true. I’m struggling bad. Because the “day job” search has been so hard and demoralizing, I’m getting very scared that I’ll lose everything and have been questioning if moving to Denver was a huge mistake. We spent hours together talking about various and sundry things, including writing. She referred me to 2 books about writing (Anne Lamott’s “Bird by Bird – Some Instructions on Writing and Life” and Stephen King’s “On Writing – A Memoir of the Craft”) (Another screenwriter/psychic friend recommended Pam Douglas’ “Writing the TV Drama Series 3rd Edition – How to Succeed as a Professional Writer in TV”) I told her that I’ve got a metaphysical dramedy TV show idea that would be easier to write at this point (it’s clearer to me) and that I’ve had a metaphysical dramatic film idea in my head for decades that I’m stuck on regarding one major plot point. She picked up that why I’m stuck on the plot is because I’m not wanting to face some aspect of myself. I had never thought of that, but I do need to look at that possibility. That led us into a discussion about how any good writer has to write from their innermost self…warts and all. Being a writer has got to be THE most revealing career out there. Acting is a close second. When I started to talk about this old film idea that’s been in the back of my head since the early/mid 1990s, I began to cry. The film feels IMPORTANT. It’s an Academy Award winning film…I FEEL it. And it needs me to write it but I’ve gotten in my own damn way. Wayne Dyer’s, “Don’t die with your music still in you.” is playing through my mind. I will admit that my reaction to talking about the movie idea caught me off guard. The swell of emotion startled me.
During my hours with my friend, my channeling also came up and she gave some intuitive advice about that to make it physically easier on me…and possibly to actually use it to heal my head and neck pain. She picked up that my maternal grandpa is my gatekeeper, which was a surprise yet not. Grandpa has shown up quite a few times over the years, but I didn’t realize he was the one leading things and protecting me. In his Earthly life, he was NOT into metaphysical stuff at all. So it’s kind of funny that now he’s VERY into it. She not only convinced me that yes, I am indeed supposed to be in Denver, but offered to help me get out there so-to-speak regarding my channeling. She KINDLY offered to be my grounded anchor and tape me while I’m in trance. Like some others, she doesn’t think it’s a great idea to fully trance channel when alone as I may not come back. (With the physical pain I’m in, it’s tempting to not come back into my body let me tell you.) Well known channels like Jane Roberts, Edgar Cayce, Esther Hicks, etc. always had someone else there to guide, ask questions, take notes, videotape, ground, etc. My friend’s offer to help is heartwarming and very generous and I’ll take her up on it.
During this past Tuesday’s meeting of Quantum Spiritology where we practiced reading auras, one of the things a couple of people saw in my aura was a snake. They felt it meant that I was in the midst of a major transformation. I suddenly feel that’s true. Transformations can be very painful, and I’ve been experiencing increased physical pain, and also emotional pain. Because of a friend’s benefits from taking up running recently, I got the urge to go run. I’ve been devoted to daily yoga since late March or early April 2014, but have to admit that lately I’m getting bored (despite the wonderful benefits) and feel like I need to really MOVE more…that slow, static exercise has run its course with me. (Not saying I’m quitting yoga totally.) Now, I’m going to blame being at 5,280 feet elevation for my lack of cardiovascular endurance, but I could only run for 15 minutes. That being said, it felt so good to RUN…RUN LIKE THE WIND…TO BE FREE AGAIN. (Shout out to Christopher Cross.) I was born in the Chinese year of the Fire Horse after all! While running and listening to Loreena McKennitt’s station on Pandora, suddenly this beautiful song came on that was a mixture of Canon in D (one of my favorite songs EVER) and a U2 song called “Pachelbel meets U2” and I started to cry. Tears streamed down my face as I ran. The realization that I am going through a painful rebirth to become my TRUE SELF hit me like a ton of bricks. I am shedding my old self like a snake sheds its skin. The running helped me to release crap held inside. Now I know why runners get addicted to running. There is indeed something about running you don’t get from other exercise. It’s symbolic in a way. Then, as if I wasn’t already crying, the next song that came on Pandora was “Cristifori’s Dream” and that sent me over the edge. Gorgeous, soul stirring music.
A writer must be willing to bare their soul. And you wouldn’t dream it if it wasn’t something you’re supposed to do. Everyone has different dreams for a reason.