As mentioned in my prior channeling post, I was mugged/attacked in the middle of broad daylight in a shopping center parking lot last Saturday. The attack has been devastating financially, emotionally, and physically (unlike normal, I had ALL..and I mean ALL forms of ID in my purse…along with all access to money – usually I don’t have my debit card with me – and the creep got my apartment and car keys so I had to re-key my Honda to the tune of over $1,229 so he couldn’t come to where I live and steal her). I did fight with him and got injured in the process. My already BAD neck got really whacked and my pain level has been HIGH all week. I also hurt my back, left knee, and my right thigh is black and blue. I made the New Mexico news, although I’d rather be on the news for winning the lottery or something.
Here are photos I found of my stolen Coach purse and Ralph Lauren wallet. https://www.instagram.com/p/BPT5BLjDZBP/
Because I have never totally recovered from my Albuquerque house’s burglary in 2012 (it is truly a horrible feeling of being violated to have strangers rummage through every single thing you own…underwear, diaries, and all)…then having my Fiat vandalized…and I won’t even go into the sexual related violations from my past…this recent personal violation has REALLY affected me and I think I’m developing PTSD to a degree. I’m very on edge and trust NO ONE. Because this most recent waste of oxygen creep drove up behind me in a car while I was loading groceries, anyone driving near me, sitting in a car, or just standing around outdoors freaks me out and I’m filled with panic. Doing laundry today at a laundromat, I got nervous and guarded my wristlet and keys when an innocent mom minding her own business started folding clothes near me. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be carefree and “safe” feeling again. I’m filled with both rage and fear. My emotions go back and forth. I’m on Amazon right now ordering self protection devices. Thank God, though, I didn’t have my gun in my purse last Saturday or he would have gotten my Walther PK380 semi automatic. If you’re going to carry a gun, wear it ON you…not in a purse or backpack.
Initially the most devastating thing was the loss of my identity and having no access to funds. One of the police gave me $10 for gas because I only had about 1 gallon of gas in Ruby. (He’s getting a Starbucks card in the mail.) Do you know what it’s like to not be able to prove who you are?! You need ID to get ID! I’m grateful to the New Mexico MVD because they bent over backwards to figure out a way to get me a new license with what I could scrounge up mixed with what I had shown them in November when I got my license. My replacement credit card just came today…thank God again…and my replacement birth certificate, thanks to my 81 year old dad who drove all over Rochester, NY trying to get proof his daughter was born. Now as the days have gone on…I’m feeling sad about the “unimportant” material items I lost. The fucker got my most expensive and favorite burgundy Coach handbag that had my favorite Ralph Lauren wallet in it…along with my rhinestone, cute Hello Kitty business card holder that mom gave me, and a cute Hello Kitty key chain my friend in Florida gave me. During my house burglary, the two crack whore sisters who went “shopping” in my house took my FAVORITES of whatever they stole. They took my favorite purses, DVDs, jewelry, etc. I feel like anything I love gets taken away from me…including my cats, Bodhi and Karma, who died too young. 😦 After the burglary in 2012, my house that I had loved was ruined. I ended up selling it because it felt tainted. I had been so proud of myself for buying my own house and loved my little house…but…it wasn’t the same after the violation. Should I just never have anything I like ever again? Will some other fucker take it from me?! I’m angry…very angry.
Although I didn’t do yoga last Saturday (needless to say I wasn’t in the mood) like I obsessively do daily, I did force myself to do my yoga practice the other days. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been needed. I tend to be out-of-body half the time anyway, but with what I’m going through and the fact my head/neck pain has been so bad, I’ve definitely wanted to disconnect from my physical body. The yoga has helped me to pull back into my injured body/clothing. And it’s helped me feel where I’m holding the most tension so that I can work on releasing it. I’ve not cried on the mat this week, but I have cried on the mat before. I never understood crying during yoga when other yoginis/yogis had mentioned it…until it happened to me a while ago. Yoga truly is healing in many ways.
I’m not to the point where I can be Buddhist and feel compassion for my attacker (as you can tell from my prior language) like the Dalai Lama would instantly do, but there’s a reason I’m not the Dalai Lama or a monk. The anger is just too strong. But, I do know that I need to aim toward forgiving the mugger, and feeling compassion for where he’s at in his life that stealing from others is what he feels he needs to do. (A friend is doing voodoo on him right now and that’s totally fine with me…told you…not to compassion yet.) I know I need to find a way back to LOVE…so that’s a good sign. Hopefully me wishing him a slow, painful death will pass. The struggle is real.
This is a long post…sorry…but I need to express.
As much as watching the horrible news and going through what happened last Saturday has made me think humans are vile and I just want to live on a mountain top with my cats has been the forefront of my week…goodness, like a flower starting to sprout up through the ground has made me realize there ARE blessings in darkness. When one of the Santa Fe police officers was driving me back to my car after getting a spare key from my apartment, a truck was next to us on the road with a 444 in its license plate. In the messed up state I was in, I knew my angels were letting me know I’d be okay. Then today, while driving to my PO Box, I noticed a 444 on Ruby’s odometer (Ruby is my Honda). When I got to the post office, not only was my new credit card (access to funds!) and new birth certificate in my box, but also a donation solicitation mailing from a place I’ve never heard of. And, look what was included in it (also lots of angel stickers)!!
My unseen friends let me know that yes, they ARE with me and helping from the Other Side. We truly are never alone when it feels like we are. My angels are pretty creative too, regarding letting me know they’re around. They know I can be dense, so they get really obvious.
On top of the compassionate police officer, my friend in Albuquerque, Sy, canceled her Sunday plans last weekend and drove up with $300 to help me get a phone and survive until I could get to my money. Now, she wanted to go dumpster diving looking for my probably tossed out Coach bag (I doubt the guy realized the bag was worth WAY more than the $30 in it), but I had to remind her that Santa Fe has a lot of dumpsters, and it was freezing cold. She is someone I love and will value forever for her enthusiasm and her compassion. LOL! Then there were the people at MVD who went above and beyond to try to help me. What made me cry this week…well…I’ve cried a lot…was when I came back to my office at work and found a card slipped under my door. When I opened it, a bunch of young postdocs down the hall who had heard about what happened to me and felt bad for me had signed an emotional support card saying that they wanted to prove to me that not ALL humans suck ass and that people DO care about me…and they included a $25 Starbucks gift card. (No, I’m not sending that one to the police officer. Ha!) I barely even know these people (they are in a different department) and they truly touched my heart. I’ve been overwhelmed by people’s care this week. As I look for the good in the bad, THAT has been the most important lesson…that LIGHT DOES OVERCOME THE DARKNESS.
I also can’t forget to mention another kindness. The Pueblo of Pojoaque police department let me hide my car at their place until I could get the locks and ignition changed this week. People have been truly lovely to me. All of my interaction with the Santa Fe police, Pojoaque police, and Santa Fe County sheriff members has been wonderful.
I know that everything happens for a reason, and I’m already starting to see what good will come from something bad happening. I can’t say that I’m going to feel safe anytime soon, and I’m definitely making changes in terms of my personal security, but I have felt loved this week…often times by strangers. There IS hope for this world.