As of yesterday, I decided to commit myself to Buddhism. I am tired of allowing external events and people affect my state of mind and happiness. I am tired of suffering and am determined to find an answer. I am determined to find peace. I have allowed circumstances to decide whether I am happy or sad. I have had many challenges in my life, both physical and emotional, but I am determined not to allow them to decide who I will be. I will overcome them. I will transform physical and emotional pain into compassion and love. I know this will not be easy. This may be the biggest thing I’ve ever undertaken. But, something or someone is urging me at this time. A couple of days before yesterday’s decision, I got this strong urge to totally redo my home’s decor…paint my walls white and switch over to a black and red theme for furnishings…an Asian look. Now, I’m too lazy to actually DO that, but I want to! 🙂 (I should mention just how much I abhor painting.) I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but now I’m highly suspecting my Asian spirit guide, Latho, has moved more closely into my vibration. I think he’s influencing me. This would not be the first time this type of thing has happened. Many years ago I unexpectedly became obsessed with cigars and blonde hair. I craved a cigar so bad, nonsmoker me went out and bought some and started puffing away in my backyard. I also went and bleached my hair really blonde (damaging it). When I went to the Spiritualist Chapel of the Flowers in Van Nuys, CA a week or two later, the medium who was giving spirit messages took one look at me and said, “You have George Burns and Jean Harlow with you in spirit and George is waving a cigar at you! They have been drawn to you because of your association with the Entertainment Industry.” That made me laugh out loud.
I had a “dream” years ago that wasn’t. It was clearly a past life recall. I was outside myself and observing. I was a boy who was sitting in a cave with my older male teacher. I had this huge book in my lap that I was studying from in Tibetan. As the I that I know as “I” watched this scene, I thought to myself, “How am I understanding Tibetan?!” Later, another psychic told me that I’ve had at least two past lives in Tibet. And when I was talking to this man years ago who imported Tibetan art, I burst into inexplicable tears when he mentioned Ganesh Himal. I had never heard of that mountainous area between Nepal and Tibet until he said the name. I went home and Googled pictures and information about that region of the world and started crying again. This wave of emotion just hit me, like I’d had happen when I first saw Taos, New Mexico in person. For years, I’ve had this thing happen where if I’m talking to someone about something spiritually heavy duty and say something important or dumb, I feel like I get hit in the back right side of my head with a book. There is a clear WHACK to my head! I cracked up during a 2002 session with the amazing Dr. Peebles (channeled by Athena Demetrios in California) when he introduced me to Latho and said, “He wants me to tell you that he’s getting tired of having to whack you in the head with a book!” 🙂 I’m assuming that is the same book I saw myself studying from in a cave centuries ago.
Another dream, that wasn’t, involved me leaving my body and “flying” to some church type place in Europe somewhere. The wonderful Dalai Lama was there giving a talk. The church was packed full of people. I stayed in the back to listen. Then you could get into line to go up and meet the Dalai Lama and get a blessing from him. I waited patiently. When I got up to him something happened that I’ll never forget. And it happened all at once. Simultaneously, he looked at me and saw my soul. I knew he saw my soul. Then something was plunked into my forehead/3rd eye, and I “knew” I was chosen. Then, before I could do anything, WHOOSH I was back in my body and abruptly woke up. That experience has been haunting me for years! Chosen for what?! And this is not my glorified ego just trying to feel important. I have this strong feeling I’m supposed to be doing something…I just don’t know what it is. Maybe my new call to start meditating and studying Buddhism will lead me in some direction.
The next question is, “Which form of Buddhism should I follow?” I did get a sign yesterday that I’m probably supposed to follow the Tibetan path, but I have to admit I love the simple beauty of Zen and am a huge fan of Thich Nhat Hanh. One friend feels I should just follow my own inner urges and take from the various Buddhist paths to create my own way. I’ll probably do a combo of Zen and Tibetan. Thankfully, we have some great places here in Albuquerque to pursue Buddhist learning.
I’m looking forward to where this journey will lead me. I’m looking forward to not swinging to extremes and finding The Middle Way. May you also find the path that calls to your soul.
Carrie (a.k.a. Atheria)