For those of you who don’t know the background, in 1998 while meditating one day, a loud voice said to me “You are not really Carrie Ryan, you are Atheria.” I totally ignored the voice until March 1999 when spirit got rather aggressive and basically insisted that I change my name. Or, at least that’s what I thought they wanted me to do since every day for a week people kept walking up to me saying “You know, I changed my name and it was the best thing I ever did.” During this time, I also felt this obsessive feeling that I had to change my name. I legally changed my name to just “Atheria” (like Cher or Madonna) in May 1999 and stayed legally Atheria until June 2007 when I changed back to Carrie Jane Ryan. I have only used CJR for legal and offical things but have continued to go by Atheria since then. Having just one name (and a unique name at that) causes a lot of problems with Social Security, passports, etc. I also knew back in 2007 that I might need a normal sounding name for jobs down the road. I don’t know how the heck Prince was able to change his name to a symbol for awhile unless he never did change it legally and just changed it in use.
Now I’m wondering if my unseen friends were just kidding! Okay, I don’t think they were kidding, but I am now feeling like I’m supposed to go back to Carrie. It’s possible that for some vibrational/energetic reason I needed to become Atheria at the time and now things have changed. I don’t know, but being unsure of what I’m supposed to call myself is REALLY annoying! To be honest, nothing feels right anymore. Maybe I’m supposed to just be “The Nameless One.” LOL
I have recently discovered that my maternal grandfather, Grandpa Slovik, is one of my spirit guides. When he first came through years ago via a wonderful California medium named Fariba (in 2005) one of the very first things he said to me was “What’s with the name?!” Now, knowing who he was as a person, his reaction of disapproval was totally fitting. He was a very down to earth, matter of fact man. He was not into metaphysical stuff. I’m still shocked beyond belief that he’s now one of my guides. Goes to show you how things change once someone is on the Other Side. Anyway, during the 2005 chat, he did begrudgingly say that he could accept Atheria IF I agreed to reincorporate parts of Carrie that I had discarded back in 1999. It is true that when I took on the new name, I dropped 100% of who I’d been up to that point…and that was probably not the best thing to do. Perhaps it is time to merge myself.
A few months ago during one of the very first weekly online Spiritualist Church meetings my friend, Pat Chalfant, has on Monday nights, a medium I didn’t know well at the time said she kept hearing a spirit or spirits yelling, “Carrie! Carrie!” She said that they weren’t saying anything else other than yelling that name and she couldn’t figure out why. I just started laughing. This was when I was in the midst of debating between being Atheria and Carrie.
A few years ago, an older British medium I knew told me that when she got messages for me, if the message was serious, the spirit called me Carrie. If the message was lighthearted and fun, spirit called me Atheria. Hmmmm….Maybe it’s time to become more serious. That could be what this is all about.
A few times lately, I’ve just happened to turn on the TV (like there are EVER just “coincidences”) during this commercial for some product where the written name Carrie pops on the screen. Being stubborn like I am, I’ve been trying to ignore those hints.
Last night I met this nice guy for drinks and he told me that I did not feel like an Atheria. I felt like a Carrie. That Atheria was too woo-woo/ephemeral sounding. That actually has been a recent concern of mine. That I’m not taken seriously enough as Atheria even though Atheria IS my soul name. Everyone has an eternal soul name that follows them through incarnations. I am blessed to actually know mine. Now, there ARE people who think I am Atheria and not Carrie. So, that just adds to the confusion. 🙂 When I got home last night, I turned on the TV in the middle of a sitcom where the lead actor gets a text message from a gal. When the camera showed his cell phone’s screen, I saw that the text message was sent from a character named Carrie! Oh for crying out loud! My friends DO have a sense of humor…at my expense! The name could have been spelled numerous different ways…but no…it was C A R R I E…just like on the commerical I keep seeing.
I will admit that as much as I prefer Atheria (since it’s truly my soul’s name) I’m getting tired of not knowing how to introduce myself. I have to go by CJR at work because I work at a very conservative company. Some people from work have become after hours friends, so they tend to call me Carrie until I yell at them and say “After 5 p.m. you have to call me Atheria!” 😉 When I meet anyone now, I have to stop and think, “Okay, what name do I give?” It’s getting very confusing.
For some bizarre reason, I do think my unseen friends up there are telling me to go back to Carrie. The only reasons that make sense involve merging my 2 selves as by now being Atheria has permanently altered me to a point where I won’t lose all of the new me if I simply start calling myself Carrie AND it may be time to take myself and my work more seriously than I have been. As a side note, the director of a film I’m going to be in has been insisting on calling me Carrie. ;-p At least Carrie is a nice name. It’s not hideous or anything. I also like the idea of going by C.J. Oh great, ANOTHER option!