Besides the sighting of Bodhi that Chakra clearly had on Friday night (the 28th…see my previous blog), this morning Karma saw Bodhi in the bathtub. Bodhi used to get into the bathtub and start whining until I’d come and turn the water faucet on so he could drink off his paw from the running water. Here is a video I have of him doing just that on September 6th…one of the last videos I have of my baby boy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqFSt8pEDUo&list=UU8DHhINOmzC8DlcpuT6R38g&index=1&feature=plcp – Neither Chakra nor Karma ever had an interest in the bathtub faucet…until today.
Karma has been acting VERY depressed and I’ve been worrying about her. When I walked past the bathroom this morning, she was lying on the tile head toward the bathtub/toilet, rather limp. When I walked past a little while later, she was sitting straight up facing the bathtub/toilet. I started to get a funny feeling she was seeing something. A little while later I was in the kitchen and Karma suddenly started howling like she was really upset. I ran to the bathroom to find her inside the tub at the faucet looking like she wanted me to turn it on. I just KNOW she had seen Bodhi in spirit doing his normal tub routine! I turned the water on a bit and she kind of didn’t know what to do with the water and just looked at it trying to figure stuff out. A little while later she starts howling again, so I went back into the bathroom and she was back inside the tub (she’d gotten out after she couldn’t figure out the water deal) just looking at me. That is when I snapped the attached picture.
Karma after she saw Bodhi’s spirit in the tub on 9-30-2012.
Now you have to understand that Karma NEVER in her 14 years has done this. Bodhi is the only cat that loved the tub. I am 100% sure that she saw her brother, who she dearly misses, in the tub and wanted to be with him. So now that Chakra and Karma have been able to see Bodhi in spirit, I want to see him too. I keep asking him to come to me. But, maybe this is all he can do right now. It does make me feel a little better knowing he’s around the house in spirit. I hope he continues to let us know he’s okay.
I have changed my mind and am paying to have Bodhi cremated separately so that I can get his ashes back. I know that our bodies are just clothing for our soul, but I just have to have some part of Bodhi with me. When I die someday, I want to be cremated and be scattered in Taos with my pets.
I have been crying since Tuesday. I have never felt such grief. My cats are the lights of my life. They have given me love during the darkest hours. I keep begging Bodhi to please visit me in spirit, but so far he has not come. I think the sneeze I heard on Tuesday was actually Karma sneezing and not Bodhi in spirit. Maybe my emotional despondency is just too much and it’s stopping him from coming through…I don’t know. But I just want a clear sign from him that he is still with me.
Update: I had written the above yesterday. Tonight something happened!
Chakra was with me in the den watching a Lyme Disease documentary when she suddenly jumped up and got up on her hind legs at the end of the couch staring into the kitchen intently…almost afraid. She CLEARLY saw something in the kitchen and was on alert. I’m sure she saw Bodhi’s spirit. I tried desperately to see him, but couldn’t. I did feel tingling through my body though. I really want to see, feel, or hear Bodhi. I am suspecting my emotionalness is actually blocking him from being able to get through to me. I somehow need to calm down.
I just had to put my beloved boy, Bodhi, to sleep. He had acute kidney failure and although I could have kept him alive longer through dramatic means, I had to accept that it would be more for me than for him. He was suffering. I just pray I did the right thing. My heart aches. I’m inconsolable. I know I’ll see him again someday, but I miss him. While at the vet’s trying to decide what to do and realizing I probably had to euthanize him, I looked up and saw THREE sets of 444’s on the computer screen. Angels were telling me they were in the room. On the drive home, the sun shone through the clouds right over my neighborhood. My cell picture attached doesn’t show it as clearly as you could see the sun’s rays though. As I pulled into the driveway, Karma was sitting in the window waiting. Almost immediately she smelled the empty cat carrier and sat next to it like she was guarding….for a few minutes. And Chakra kept looking up at the ceiling like she saw something in the den. I hope Bodhi visits me in spirit to let me know he’s okay. His ashes will be sprinkled with other cats and dogs on the top of the Sandia Mountains.
The pain is so bad. Bodhi was only 13. I wanted him to live forever…..I can still see his anxious face waiting for me in the window as I came home.
I’m not SURE but as I was sending out this email telling my friends about Bodhi, I could have sworn I heard the quick expressing of air through a clogged nose sound that Bodhi had been doing the past 2 weeks right behind me. I hope it was him. I pray he visits me in spirit. My friend just told me that anyone who passes on holy days (Yom Kippur started at sundown) is a special and extra good soul. That brought me some peace.