As my friends have dealt with for months…and really bad the past few weeks…I have been in a dilemma about whether or not I should officially go back to my birth name, Carrie, and let go of Atheria. Firstly, I’m a double Libra, so all decisions are hard for me, and secondly I’ve been Atheria since 1999 after a loud voice gave me the name in 1998 telling me I was not really Carrie Ryan, I was Atheria. The voice then proceeded to spell it out when I jumped up from meditation barking, “What?! Spell it!” I then promptly said something about that name being odd and too exotic for little old me and promptly forgot about it. In March of 1999 this obsessive feeling came over me that I needed to change my name. When I ignored that (I am indeed stubborn) spirit got aggressive and suddenly over the span of a week, numerous neighbors and strangers in grocery stores, on the street, etc. came up to me and out-of-the-blue said, “You know, I changed my name and it was the best thing I ever did.” I finally accepted the name, and literally, that day, my life opened up. There was a major shift. Many years prior, when I met a wonderful medium for the first time and introduced myself as Carrie, he said to me, “You need to change your name. It’s so wrong for you it’s literally causing you harm.” Of course, THAT being stuck in my head adds to the concern of going back to Carrie. I was legally one name, Atheria, from May of 1999 to June of 2007 when I decided to change my name back to my birth name strictly for official stuff like Social Security and credit cards. Just in case you didn’t know, having just one name causes A LOT of problems since computer systems are set up for at least 2 names. They almost didn’t let me into Costa Rica in 2005 because they thought my passport was a fake.
Anyway, things have been getting very confusing in my life now because I am Carrie Ryan at my conservative job, but Atheria everywhere else…and some people from work have become personal friends after hours. There have been times lately when I meet someone and totally blank about what name to give him/her as I’m shaking his/her hand. Also, I’m getting tired of saying, “Hi, I’m Atheria” to be greeted back by a blank stare of puzzlement and then needing to explain and spell my name…which of course, most people can’t remember. I get called everything from Athena (I wish I was a goddess) to Areola (nipple)!
Back in 2005 during a session with a gifted medium, when she was talking with my maternal grandfather, he clearly didn’t get the whole “Atheria thing” (who he was in life was very fitting for that response) but said he could accept it if I reincoporated parts of Carrie back into me. He said that when I dropped Carrie and became Atheria, I literally dropped everything about who I had been up to that point. I had left behind too much.
Another medium friend of mine told me a couple of years ago that when she gets serious messages for me, spirit calls me Carrie. When she gets lighthearted messages for me, spirit calls me Atheria.
Something that has been concerning me is that Atheria has a certain very ephemeral/hippie connotation. People immediately put me into a “New Age Woo Woo” category when they hear my name, and I don’t like that. I do want to be taken seriously. That being said, Atheria is a truly beautiful name and I have loved it. I’m not even sure I feel like a Carrie anymore. But, Carrie Ryan is practical.
During an online Spiritualist circle last night (Skype is awesome!), a woman psychic who had never met me before and didn’t know about my name conundrum, suddenly said to me, “Spirit keeps yelling CARRIE CARRIE CARRIE at me and I don’t know why. I ask them to give me a message for you but they just keep saying CARRIE.” I just started laughing. I knew immediately what that meant. Of course, the question now is — Why would they tell me I’m not Carrie in 1998 and then tell me I’m Carrie in 2012? Do they have some sick sense of humor? It was not easy becoming Atheria. All I can think of is (1) I had misunderstood what I was to do with Atheria…meaning that Atheria might be my eternal soul name (which we each have through all incarnations) but that I wasn’t meant to literally use it in my physical life as this incarnation, (2) Atheria is actually a guide of mine — Googling myself years ago I ran across a woman who channels a being named Atheria and when I read some of the channeled messages, gasped, as they were worded VERY much like my channeled messages…same manner of speech, etc., or (3) I am going through immense change, a rebirth of sorts right now (which has not been pleasant), and that it’s time to return to my roots and meld Atheria with Carrie.
Reaction has been mixed. Some prefer Atheria and some prefer Carrie. But, this is my decision…something between me and my soul. Your name is very important. Just as we are a certain vibration physically, names have a certain vibration. If we don’t match vibrationally, that can cause problems. Maybe I should be Caratheria? 😉 I think not. I will admit to liking sounding like a normal person, but those who know me know I’m not typical. 😉
Carrie / Atheria